About being in the Army

I never got deployed overseas, sadly I never had the opportunity during my career.  I had a knee injury and weight problems that prevented me from being deployed.  I could easily have gotten in shape while on active duty, but I guess I would have been a liability.  I'm very glad that all my brother-soldiers came back.  Survivor's guilt would have hit me very hard.

I was a combat engineer.  That's the 21B part.  When I enlisted combat engineer was still MOS 12B.  They changed it while I was at Fort Leonard Wood for Basic Training and Advanced Individual Training.  I was at "Fort Lost-in-the-Woods" for 8 months straight.  You bet I went crazy.  I found Jesus out there too.  I had been raised religious but adulthood had made me a less righteous man.  The separation from the many temptations of the world facilitated my re-conversion, so to speak.  I lost my fighting edge even.  When it came time for hand to hand and pugils, I got my butt whupped because I had no aggression in me.  I did get it back eventually.

The biggest things that affected my soul were the discrepancies between how I viewed being in the military when I was a civilian, and the reality that confronted me.  I was treated like garbage by my home unit because of the knee injury and the failure to meet physical fitness standards that came with it.  I admit, there was a time when I tried very hard to get fit and then I just stopped caring.  I am to blame as well for my failure.  However, I also had a dearth of good leadership.  As a young soldier I was not encouraged and given the time and attention needed to get my self together.  I was left entirely to my own devices and then berated for my trouble.  I am bitter,  I admit it.

When I got home from training, I couldn't get a job for six months.  This was in 2003 and I graduated high school.  No one wanted to hire an Army Reservist, fearing that I would be deployed any minute.  Or something. I naively thought that everyone had the same respect and affection for the military that I did.  I was proud when I was sworn in.  I was on top of the world, 19 years old, and invincible.  Poor 2003 me never saw it coming.